Newlyweds
by Blackfan81
Summary: Yet in another scrape, Daniel and Vala, newlyweds to boot, try to come to terms with what has happened, but with Daniel chained up, there is other things than being rescued on Vala's mind.
1. Chapter 1

"MARRIED?! What do you mean we're MARRIED?"

Daniel felt a slight stir of panic rise as his voice rose a pitch.

"What exactly is it that you have a problem with understanding? We are married! Hitched, a cord has been tied into a knot, as in having knelt in front of an Ori prior and said I-DO-MARRIED!" Vala looked straight at him.

"A cord? What?"

Vala sighed and gestured with her hands. "Any kind of Earth expression for being married."

"Why can't I remember it?

"How would I know?! If you want a brain scan, ask Sam!"

"I think I should've remembered having married, well, YOU!"

"And what is that supposed to mean? I would be a perfectly phenomenal wife. As a matter of fact, I am! I have been married before you know."

"This can't be happening."

"Trust me," Vala muttered, brushing off a non-existent lint from her shoulder, "This is not really how I had imagined either."

"Imagined?"

"Eh…well, yes, you know, if I were ever to marry, again. I was not speaking about you… specifically." Daniel refrained from giving a reply and looked around. As usual she had distracted him from taking in the surroundings. Some thing was very wrong. He was not wearing his glasses and he could not really focus on anything due to his splitting headache, and the fact there was very little light.

"I am not sure what else to tell you. We are married. Deal with it!"

"Don't yell." Daniel rubbed his sore head.

"You started!"

Again he looked around, and tried his best to focus. They were in a small room with barely enough room to manoeuvre with two people in it. _It resembles a prison cell_. It was a prison cell! He was sitting on the floor leaning against a stone wall. He lifted a hand to rub his sore head and realised that he was chained to said wall, with a thick, heavy chain leaving very little leeway. Not that there was any room to go anywhere. Vala was perched on a small wooden bench attached to the opposite wall in front of him. It was cold, damp and dark except from a candle above a large, wooden door, but it barely gave off enough light, and cast long shadows.

"Okay, one problem at a time. Please. Exactly, where are we?"

"In prison!"

"So I gathered. Why?"

"They imprisoned us."

"Again, stating the obvious. Vala, what did you do?" Daniel sighed. She must have done something. She always did. "Why did they imprison us and why am I chained to the wall and not you?

"I did not do anything, thank you very much." She emphasized, "Honestly! It was YOU! You went berserk."

"What?" Daniel starred at her in disbelief. He considered himself a lot of things, but not violent. He did not go…berserk. Ever.

"You were less than pleased by the prospect of becoming imprisoned, so, they knocked you out, hence, the bump on your head and the chains. She eyed him suspiciously, squinting as if still not believing what she had witnessed, then said in a matter of fact voice, "You were quite hysterical." Smilingly she added, "I did manage to salvage your glasses though."

She got up from the small bench, dropped to her knees beside him and placed them on his nose. "But I think they became slightly dented. Sorry." That was an understatement, but at least he could see her clearly now. She raised a hand to his head to inspect where he had been hit. He winced. "It's just a surface wound. You did not even bleed."

"It hurts like, I don't know what."

"Like you have been hit on the head, perhaps?"

"Don't be a smartass!"

"I am sorry darling, but you must have been hit on the head countless of times by now, and thus far you have survived. You will be fine."

"What are you implying?"

"I am just saying that you have always been a bit…eh… you know…So any damage has already been done. Thick skull." She knocked lightly on the side of his head.

"Ouch!"

"I am sure you have received harsher blows."

_Blow this. _Daniel closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I don't care. It still hurts if you poke it!"

Vala leaned forward and said in a seductive voice. "So, being your wife and all, and this being our wedding night of sorts, what would you have me poke, that does not hurt?" Her placed her hand on this thigh and slowly moved it upwards.

"Get off me!" Daniel was starting to feel agitated.

Vala sighed, removed her hand, and leaned back. " I am married to a prude. Who would have guessed? I am starting to realise now why I have never seen you with a woman before. You just, do not, you know, not."

"Don't be absurd."

"But I suppose, that a man in your condition, that do not, you know…"she paused, "it has rendered you more vulnerable, than someone like Colonel Mitchell. What I cannot seem to understand though is how you could have come to join the SGC, not with your…eh…delicate constitution."

"Are you done questioning my manhood or do you want to berate it further? And what do you mean with delicate constitution, a second a go you said I had a think head!"

"Well, that too. They are not mutually exclusive you know."

Daniel sighed loudly as if to calm himself down. "Could we please get back to the point?!"

"What point would that be?"

Daniel tried to rub his temples, but even though he had enough length to stretch his chained arms straight out, the chains were heavy and they chafed. His arms fell back to the floor. He closed his eyes. W_orst day of my life._

"From the beginning please. What happened?"

Vala shifted and stretched her legs out, and in the process managed to link her legs with his.

"Do you remember stepping through the gate this morning?"

"No."

"Right. Well, we did, come here I mean. We got married, you started raging, became crazy, then you were knocked out cold and now we are here. In this cell."

"This I already know."

"I though you could not remember anything?!"

"You just told me!"

"Oh."

"Yes. Oh! Could you be a bit more detailed? It doesn't make sense!"

"I totally agree. I do not understand why I was thrown in here with you. I was a sunny as the…eh…sun. Not like you who went on a bloody rampage throwing bits and pieces all around messing up the extremely boring meeting these nice people had set up for us. So, just because I know you, I am apparently guilty by association? That is so not fair!"

"Are you done?!"

"I have not even started yet."

"Vala, please…something must've happened between us coming here and us ending up in prison! What about this meeting? What was it about?

"I was not really paying attention. Sam was talking about some technical thingies, Colonel Mitchell was trying to be polite and Muscles, well, he did not really do or say anything."

"Where were we?"

"Rocks" she sighed, "you found some rocks and Sam suggested that I go with you since my sparkly personality apparently was to, you know, sparkly."

"So, we left the meeting, looked at rocks, then we got married, I got angry and we imprisoned?"

"Yes. More or less."

"And by more and less you are leaving out, what exactly?

"Nothing. At least…nothing important. Daniel, this is not the best time to start doubting me."

"I think it's a perfect time."

"Well, I am not making things up. We are married and in prison and it is entirely YOUR fault!"


	2. Chapter 2

"My fault? How could this possibly have been mine fault?"

"Well, had you just done what they told you, nothing of this would have happened, at least…well, no all of it anyway."

"Exactly, what are you telling me, or rather what are you NOT telling?"

"Nothing! I am telling you how I remember it."

"That's what I'm worried about."

"Are you implying that I am lying to you? If you are, I am going to be very offended because this is your mess, not mine. So, YOU do whatever it takes to get ME out of here! Get up, do something!"

"I'm chained to THE WALL!"

"Whatever…metaphorically speaking. Be Daniel Jackson…do, you..!"

"My head hurts; I'm locked up and chained down with no memory of the last 12 hours. Right…I'll just weave my shoe laces into a magic carpet and make a machinegun using my glasses and we'll be out of here in no time. I'm not freaking MacGyver, or Harry Potter!"

"You have to do something." Vala's voice became whiny. She looked him with sad eyes and without warning she moved so she sat beside him and leaned her head against his shoulder. "I cannot spend one night in here Daniel. There is not even a hairdryer." She looked around, completely miserable, "…and even if I did have one, there is nowhere to plug it in. This is hell."

"Try to be serious for at least one moment."

"I am. It is damp and I can feel my hair frizzing as we speak."

"I'm in chains, I have no idea why because you won't tell me and you're bitching about your hair?!"

"There is no need to use harsh language."

"Then why the hell don't you tell me what really happened?!"

"Okay. Fine. No need to get your knickers in a twist. I will elaborate." She sat up straight, faced him and started to talk.

"There was a negotiation of sorts, I am not really clear on the details but Colonel Mitchell did say something about exchanging information about Casa shipments for medical supplies. Apparently they have been plagued by some horrible disease which, of course, Earth eradicated years ago. This made me very hesitant in going on this mission. I told General Landry that if I were to be infected I would surely sue the SGC, or at the very least do my best to infect him too. I refuse to die in some horrible disease without some sort of retribution."

"The meeting?"

"Well, my presence was after a while not needed. Why I cannot imagine. I though all my little comments offered an insightful view on…life. Anyway, Sam mentioned that I go look at rocks and given you interest in that specific area you decided to accompany me. I was," she patted his hand, "of course, very pleased by your company, though should not have come you know. Then all of this could have been avoided. But Sam insisted, despite the fact that you did sort of lead the whole thing. I think she was concerned by your attitude, because you seemed very agitated."

"So, we went and looked at rocks?"

"Yes, there were a lot of them and that made you a bit happier. But then, it was all, rage and things flying through the air and, well, the rest you know already."

Daniel shook his head. "It doesn't make any sense. Why was I angry?"

"The rocks were not pretty enough?! Who knows? Who am I to say what goes on in your head when you do not even know yourself?" She yawned. "I am tired."

"How long have been in here?" Daniel looked at her as she pushed a strand of her hair behind her ear.

"Half a day, at least. My best guess is that it is early evening, so I think we should try to rest."

"Rest? You haven't even told me half of what happened."

"What does it matter? We are here and there is nothing that I can say that will change that, and since we are likely to be here for a while, I vote that we try to sleep."

"I just woke up!"

"Well, we cannot all follow your timetable. Now hush."

Vala drew her knees towards her chest and tried to find the most comfortable position, but there were none. She sighed, as if resigning herself of the reaction that would come next. He too sighed. He felt Vala shift again and before he could protest, he felt her lean closer against him. Her hands found their way under his jacket. She snuggled closer.

"Vala." He moved as much the chains and his aching head would allow in an attempt to shake her off. However, it was to no use, she held him in a tight grip. He resigned, tried to find a comfortable position and simply leaned his head back and starred up at the ceiling.

"Your hands are cold."

"Stop fussing Daniel," she said in a low voice, "I know they are cold, but it is cold in here, and damp. You are the only heat source in this dump and it is bound to become even colder in a few hours. Just shut up and try to get some sleep."

It was one of those occasions where he knew she was right. It was cold and having her close made things less…cold. Who know how long they would be stuck in here. He stilled. Vala sighed again and tried to snuggle even closer. He couldn't help feeling uncomfortable with how comfortable he actually felt. Well, except from the chains, the cold cell and the hard floor. It was going to be a long and uncomfortable night.


	3. Chapter 3

Daniel awoke the next morning; at least he thought it was morning, by light kisses being placed in neat lines across the planes of his face. It was a very pleasant feeling. As he opened his eyes he found himself gazing into the pools that were Vala's eyes. She was straddling his lap. His body ached from having been sat on a stone floor, but the sensation of Vala being close numbed out everything else. He knew he should push her away, berate her and be all Daniel Jackson, but he was tired and other parts of his body was slowly overpowering the thought processes of his brain. For once he just allowed himself to feel.

"Good morning, husband." A light whisper reached his ear.

He replied. "Good morning" and the added, more tentatively, "wife?" That earned him a shy, but sunny smile in return. Whatever would come, that alone would get him through the day. He became fearful when she began to shift her body. He didn't engage, or, well, at least he tried. He was only human after all. When she refocused her attention to his lips he was all too eager to follow her lead.

That was when door to the cell opened.

"Jackson! Vala! What the hell?!"

Vala and Daniel, still lip-locked, turned their surprised eyes towards the doorway, in which Mitchell and Sam were standing. All four had enough sense to look slightly embarrassed. Daniel gently pushed back Vala to create some space between them.

Trying to sound as natural as possible, Daniel cleared his throat before saying; "It's ok, we're…hrm….married."

"Since when?" Sam looked surprisingly at him.

"Before we got imprisoned…right?" Daniel turned towards Vala.

"Well, I might have left some…tiny, tincy, wincy, pieces out."

"Like what?"

Mitchell interrupted. "Like you're NOT married."

"WHAT?!" Daniel's heart skipped a beat, and a sense of disappointment, and relief, rushed through his mind.

"I just thought, well, that it might ease, you know, the situation. God knows how long we could have been stuck in here." She tried smiling, but stopped when meeting his eyes.

With a clenched jaw, Daniel raised his voice. "Will someone tell me WHAT happened?"

Vala, finally realising that playtime was over offered a few explanatory sentences.

"After we left the meeting, we looked at stones, and there was a wedding. I was not lying about that. I may just have told a little story and changed a few details. But nothing of importance. We were at a wedding together. The ceremony interested you, but you just sat there in a corner scribbling in your little notepad."

Mitchell added; "Of what I've been told about your behaviour, it sounds as though the, eh, _missus_ here slipped you a mickey."

Daniel grabbed her as he yelled. "You drugged me?!"

"Drugged is such a harsh word Daniel. I, uhm, provided some medicinal…alternatives to help you to loosen things…up. I did it for your own good! You were such a bore. And, I did warn you though, about drinking that wine they offered. It is never a good idea to mix, uh, well things that supposed to loosen you up with alcoholic beverages. So really, you only have yourself to blame.

"YOU DRUGGED ME?!"

"I wanted to DANCE!"

"Get off me!" Daniel used whatever willpower he was still in control over and pushed her off his lap. She didn't resist, just slowly rose from the floor.

"Right, so now you are complaining?!" Vala brushed dust off her trousers. "That is the thanks I am getting for making this more pleasant?"

Daniel refused to look at her, his body all too well betraying his words and action, making him feel even more embarrassed than having been caught by Sam and Mitchell in what was clearly a compromising situation. He raised his hands. "Could someone please get these off me?"

Sam entered the cell with a set of keys and within minutes he was on his feet rubbing his sore wrists. "Can we leave?"

"Yes. Everything's been sorted out, but we should get out of here before we overstay our welcome. Teal'c has probably already dialed Earth by now."

* * *

Standing at the event horizon Daniel was just about to step through when he felt Vala's hand in his.

"I am sorry for lying to you Daniel."

"I know."

"I only did it because…"

"I know."

"So does this mean that we could go on a third date when we get back?

"Third? We haven't even been on one yet."

"You say potato, I say tomato. We have been married after all. Sort of, at least, so this should really be counted as a second date. I did let you get to second base after all."

Daniel sighed and stepped through the gate without offering a reply, dragging Vala behind him. Despite the, eh, fond memories of their time in the cell, this was a mission report he was not looking forward to handing in.

THE END


End file.
